Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hardships of a Birth Mother

Adoptive parents and adoptive children have hardships, but birth parents have hardships too.....

As an adoptive parent, we sometimes can't or don't want to understand a birth parents hardships. We take the child and we love the child and sometimes bitterly think of the birth parent. Even though a birth parent may have lost or given up her child by adoption, they may have deep feelings for their child. It can sometimes be very difficult for the birth mother/ parent to let go......

I try to picture myself.....
Perhaps I am a single mother, trying to keep up with several jobs just to pay the rent and feed my several children. I come home from these jobs. I'm exhausted. These several children are all needing help with their homework. There are a couple children crying, one stomping around, and all of them nagging to eat. I close my eyes and just feel like shutting everyone out. I feel myself getting weaker. I just can't keep everything up. My children's grades are low and I can't afford nice clothes. I have no time or energy left to clean the house. The children are getting fed but the food is not nutritious. It's cheap.
Then.... I picture myself screaming as I watch a local agency take my children. I know it's not the agencies fault. I know I haven't been a great Mom, but I don't want anyone telling me this. It hurts too much.
Perhaps I have even gotten involved in drugs or alcohol to numb my pain.
The agency is telling me that I can see my kids once a week for two hours under supervision. The visits become more of a pain than a pleasure. I don't want to hear my child say that their foster parents are nice. It hurts. The kids are brought to these supervised visits right after school. It's hard to fit in around my work schedule. Since my kids came after school, they are hungry and begging for food. They are expecting me to bring food but I didn't have any money. There are visits I cannot attend.
Then, I find myself in court hearings. They want me to take parenting classes. It's easier and less painful to just block this out and go home alone. I need to get away from it all. I slip out of sight for just a little while, just to catch my breath and soak in the reality of it all. This leads into more court hearings.
I find myself months even a year into the process without gaining anything. I am now being considered for termination. My kids have been in foster care for a very long time. I am not willing to cooperate with anyone! I just want it to all go away.
They tell me that a very good family wants to adopt one of my children. I know that it's best for my child but it's breaking my family apart and it's all my fault. I know this family loves my child but it hurts too much. I refuse to cooperate. I want what's best for my child, but it scares me. I think of people talking badly about me and it tears me apart.
I hang my head and attend the hearings. My child is convinced I don't love him because I haven't done anything to get him back. I see that he is happy with this family. I hang my head at the hearings. I sit and cry quietly as I watch my life fall apart. There is nothing I can do.
I am terminated from my child. I can appeal it, but during this process of appeal, my life is a menace. I have very bad days thinking of what it might have been like to have a husband that would've supported us. I think of all the pain and neglect I have done, but there is nothing I can do to take it back or make it better. I think of my children as babies and wish I could go back and do it all over again, but it's too late. My child now resents me and loves his new family.

I let him go..............

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